Ugly
by Myurra-K
Summary: "Others could reassure him all they wanted that the creature he became wasn't really him, but they couldn't see its hands whenever they looked down." Kyo has long suffered the trauma of the second curse he shoulders, but can bare it no longer. He can't stand looking at any part of himself when all he sees is that 'thing'. Self harm


**Ugly**

**.:.  
'**

It looked like any other hand. It had a palm, five digits, the regular creases and ridges, a silvery scar at the base of his thumb, a broken life-line...

Kyo could see what was under his own skin. Leathery, reptillian-like hide; thick, broad palms; small clawed fingers; bloodstains that had yet to fade, and probably never would. He wasn't sure if it was the remenants of a crumbly, unreliable memory, or if he was able to pierce the veil shroud over his ugliness, but either path lead to a fractal of thoughts he hopelessly tried to avoid.

His body wasn't very sensitive, he realized. Textures meant nothing to him, pain was more-or-less pointless when dealt upon him, and physical discomfort was rare.

Sometimes proximity was stifling. Like the Cat he was born to be, hackles raised sharply, as though whoever was near enough to touch him would be able to see the real him, too. The rain left him miserable and shakey, nervous as though the water would help melt away his mask, afraid it would slip away and reveal him to the world.

He never wanted anyone to see what lay beneath the surface if they didn't have to. An unfortunate few had been subjected to the sight, and the experiece refused to settle as a pleasant one.

Staring at his right palm now, sitting in the centre of a crowded classroom, the teacher's voice droning on as she tried to explain something Kyo would only find completely useless, he could still see the dried blood left over from the last experience.

It wasn't really there, but Kyo was able to see it. He could see the ugly body he possessed, the alter-appearance few others had seen. The bracelet simply feuled the illusion, casting a spell and hiding him behind a glamour.

Others could reassure him all they wanted that the creature he became wasn't really him, but they couldn't see its hands whenever they looked down – they couldn't see its snarling face and its fierce eyes whenever he looked in the mirror. They couldn't see the blood on his hands.

_Yuki._

It was Yuki's blood this time, not his mothers or anyone elses. Yuki, who had tackled him into the mud and refused to let go, who had shouted at him and held him tight, who had winced but never once relented his grip on the creature's leg as he endured the vile thing's claws searing through his skin.

Those dark amethyst eyes had blown with pain, but Kyo hadn't been able to peel his cousin off, even despite breaking his skin.

_Yuki._

Kyo dropped his hand to the desk, turning the palm down and digging his fingertips into the surface. He could see the foul-coloured flesh, the hairless skin, the yellowed claws...

He remembers having those fingers wrapped around Yuki's shoulder, piercing him.

He roamed his eyes across the room, to where Yuki was staring blankly at the ceiling, leaning his head back without slouching down in his chair. The Prince even held his composure and sat straight while he was being lazy and unnattentive. Perhaps it really was just in his nature and he wasn't trying too hard to look 'noble'.

Yuki seemed to sense the weight of eyes on him, as he probably always did considering the attention he constantly received, but Kyo's gaze must have been diferent because the Rat turned in his seat, rolling his head with the movement until his own gaze was level. Violet eyes returned the stare, and Kyo felt the heat of shame rising under his high collar.

Could Yuki still see him? Was the spell broken now that he'd glimpsed the true form of the Cat?

When his cousin looked at him, did he see the monster he'd chased after that evening?

But Yuki's lips moved into a soft, sympathetic smile, which was more just a twitch of his pale mouth. His eyes didn't change, except now they looked rounder, calmer, and more pitying.

Kyo didn't want pity, he wanted people to stop looking at him!

He returned his glare to the desk, folding his arms so that he wouldn't have to look at his deformed hands, and stared at the blank lines of his opened book for the remainder of the lesson.

**.:.**  
**'**

"What did you _do!_"

Yuki's cry was frantic, but Kyo, back still to his cousin, simply winced away, covering his head with his hands as though they formed some sort of protective shell he could retract himself within. He wrung his ugly fingers through his stringy, sticky hair, finding a knot and pulling hard.

He felt Yuki fall into the room, shouting things in the air between them, not necessarily to him, and forced himself to curl up further. Footsteps thundered around the house, but Yuki's tentative padding of socked feet over tiles was louder in his ears than anything he'd ever heard.

"Kyo...oh god, _Kyo_," Yuki's hand was on his shoulder then, pressure against the front, and Kyo panicked. He didn't want the other boy to turn him around. He didn't want anyone to see him like this!

"Get off me! Don't touch me!" he shouted, reaching over with his inhuman hand, grabbing violently at the first handful of fabric he found. He yanked hard, aware that Yuki's body hit the wall and that his cousin could probably see his face better now, but all he could care for was the feeling of materials ripping beneath his grip.

"Kyo!"

Hands rose to grab harshly at his wrist, slipping a little on the copious blood, and Kyo yanked downwards, tearing Yuki's shirt and forcing him to the ground. There was a squeal of wrongly-distributed weight on wet tile, and a thud, the Rat slipping on further blood. The grip on his wrist pulled him to his own knees, head bowed, praying Yuki had yet to see his face.

"Don't look at me," he pleaded, shoulders shaking with the effort to withhold his screams.

Once more, he heard his cousin say his name. It was odd, seeing as the Rat rarely said his actual given name at all. He sounded upset. Perhaps he could see how ugly Kyo was, and was scared.

"What have you done, oh please, oh god please... _Kyo_, _you stupid cat_...Kyo..."

One hand had left his wrist, cupping his face tenderly - no, _cautiously_.

Kyo whipped his head back, releasing his hold on Yuki's shirt, thrasing his body backwards. His cousin didn't let go of him, holding him firm by his wrist, sliding the hand that had caressed his cheek to the back of his neck, slippery fingers digging in firmly. Kyo couldn't really feel when those fingertips dug into his pressure-points.

"No!" Kyo simply cried out, trying to turn his still bowed head away, but Yuki held fast, tugging himself forward. Something touched his brow through his bloodied bangs. Breath fanned over his lips, and he realised that Yuki'd pressed their foreheads together, touching him, close to him.

Kyo felt repulsed that something as pure as snow would willingly touch soiled mud.

"It's disgusting, I'm disgusting, don't touch me. Don't_ touch_ me!" Kyo tried to throw himself backwards, to save Yuki, but it finally sunk in why his cousin had had no trouble holding him thus far; he was weak, lightheaded, and severely lacking a steady pulse.

Finally, the adjar door was thrown open, and two more presences joined the room. Kyo's skin crawled.

They could see him... he was so ugly... they were staring right at him.

They were looking at him! Yuki was touching him!

"Oh no," Shigure's voice was quiet, but Kyo could hear it. "Kyon, why did..."

Kyo abruptly collapsed forward, slipping away from the pressure against his brow and turning his head to the side, burrying his face into Yuki's neck. He could feel the blood drizzling from the wounds, staining his cousin's shirt.

Yuki had been wearing a white shirt today. The Rat would look ghastly when they finally removed him from the creature's grasp, but this time it wouldn't be his own blood staining him. He felt guilty about all the blood and the mess he was making, but couldn't find the energy in himself to pull away.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, sorry," Kyo mumbled, but he knew none of it was making any sense to them. Arms came around him from behind, and he knew it had to have been Shigure or else he'd have transformed.

Tohru was sobbing somewhere in the room, and his black heart quivered with guilt.

"Get away from me, leave me here, just leave me!" Kyo struggled, but the collective weight of the Rat and the Dog held him imprisoned. He didn't mean to sound so accusing,"you all have to leave me!"

"How'd he do it?" Shigure asked, voice terribly close to Kyo's ear, and the Cat shuddered away, unintentionally turning further into Yuki's arms, shuddering at the feeling of the quickly dampening shirt.

"There's nothing sharp in reach, I don't know!" Yuki was sounding panicked. It was then he registered the hand that was rubbing soothingly through his hair. Too delicate to be Shigure's; Yuki's hand.

"Tohru, look away!" Shigure suddenly yelled, causing the Cat to wince further away from him. "Get out of here. _Now_, Tohru!"

"B-but-"

"_Go!_"

He was being forced to sit up before he even realized, pressure on his shoulders forcing him away from the temporary comfort that had been the Rat. A thumb brushed his chin, trembling fingers traced the smooth planes of his cheekbones, before completely circling the wounds left from where he'd gouged out his own eyes with his bare hands.

He couldn't stand looking at himself any longer.

"Please," he whispered, sounding broken and fractured even to himself. It was pitiful, but he was so scared, so weak. "Don't look at me...it's hideous,_ I'm_ hideous..."

"No!" The Rat's tone would have sounded vehement if he hadn't been trembling so badly with nerves, and probably illness. Kyo knew the feeling. If ever he saw his reflection, he'd feel utterly disgusted in what he saw, enough to make his stomach roll with unease.

"Disgusting...such an ugly, disgusting thing..."

**.:.**  
**'**

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry this is so dark... I honestly didn't mean it to come out the way it did.

**MK**


End file.
